capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
