Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
