After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
