all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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