no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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