His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
