guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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