Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
