but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
