When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
