mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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