HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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