He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize