i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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