Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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