She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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