4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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