Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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