Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
