oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
