So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
