we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
