Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
