We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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