I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
