6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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