Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
