3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
