next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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