Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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