my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
