So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
