Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
