he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
