so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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