Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
