There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
