Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
