i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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