I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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