I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
