that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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