weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
