dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
