I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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