There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
