I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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