Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
