As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
