So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
