i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
