Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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