Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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