gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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