My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
