i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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