Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
