Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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