my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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