he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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