I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
