Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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