The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
